Whod you bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
