You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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