The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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