I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused