Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
