Texts From Last Night

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  (936): View more from Texas

  Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

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  (936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas.... http://tfl.nu/nx5u
  Replies (16) Good night (870) Bad night (5312)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (2099) Bad night (759)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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  (630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc
  Replies (18) Good night (4703) Bad night (641)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  did you answer or finish?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  both

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  (404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called? (1-404): did you answer or finish? (404): both http://tfl.nu/gzoz
  Replies (27) Good night (7511) Bad night (1130)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

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  (519): all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat" http://tfl.nu/ukas
  Replies (14) Good night (4586) Bad night (1407)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

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  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5382) Bad night (1622)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

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  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5824) Bad night (1289)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

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  (618): was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven? http://tfl.nu/9wj5
  Replies (10) Good night (3235) Bad night (900)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.

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  (+44): Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/zz0f
  Replies (14) Good night (4547) Bad night (1077)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?

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  (717): I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going? http://tfl.nu/uz7v
  Replies (3) Good night (1990) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.

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  (917): She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for. http://tfl.nu/k05b
  Replies (7) Good night (3785) Bad night (732)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.

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  (336): Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend. http://tfl.nu/6ua4
  Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (651)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (440)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.

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  (484): She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/9mqk
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (224)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.

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  (832): Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/sjlr
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (199)

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