Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

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  (610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem. http://tfl.nu/6hmf
  Replies (34) Good night (2001) Bad night (794)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Define "chronic" masturbator.

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  (301): Define "chronic" masturbator. http://tfl.nu/qw3m
  Replies (14) Good night (1484) Bad night (1581)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Most awkward sex ever...

  (314): View more from Missouri

  And im texting you in the middle.

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  (314): Most awkward sex ever... (314): And im texting you in the middle. http://tfl.nu/fp1w
  Replies (36) Good night (870) Bad night (4103)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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  (904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o
  Replies (55) Good night (5292) Bad night (1459)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?

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  (361): I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about? http://tfl.nu/lnao
  Replies (15) Good night (4478) Bad night (1335)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring

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  (405): Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring http://tfl.nu/7l8r
  Replies (9) Good night (2343) Bad night (826)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.

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  (703): I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave. http://tfl.nu/udrq
  Replies (4) Good night (2225) Bad night (895)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.

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  (513): well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process. http://tfl.nu/0h10
  Replies (5) Good night (1807) Bad night (1190)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.

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  (404): I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home. http://tfl.nu/jfgz
  Replies (10) Good night (3492) Bad night (1042)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.

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  (905): I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it. http://tfl.nu/6c57
  Replies (2) Good night (2251) Bad night (555)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.

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  (306): I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better. http://tfl.nu/dkdn
  Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (563)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

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  (712): I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray. http://tfl.nu/8ri0
  Replies (5) Good night (1924) Bad night (565)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.

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  (307): I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit. http://tfl.nu/1gr7
  Replies (8) Good night (430) Bad night (1177)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!

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  (551): I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?! http://tfl.nu/sdve
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (269)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic

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  (865): On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic http://tfl.nu/e5gj
  Replies (2) Good night (131) Bad night (479)

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