you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
FUCK WHALES
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
