She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
