I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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