Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
