Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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