just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
