The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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