fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
