some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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