Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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