so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
