how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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