I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sarcasm needs its own font
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
