I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
