After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
