K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
