i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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