Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
