True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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