i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
