No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
