it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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