i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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