all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
