My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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