I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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