actually, I'm a sock model
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
