By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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