belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
