If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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