I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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