Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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