Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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