he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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