I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
