You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
