My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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