So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
