after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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