i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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