I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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