I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize