If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
