Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He felt like a one man threesome
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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