My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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