Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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