I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
