if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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