i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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