Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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