dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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