so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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