Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
