Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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