how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
