Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
