She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
