Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
