dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
