I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
