i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
