Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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