Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
