Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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