I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
