this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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