There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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